Is it because I live in San Francisco, watch trash tv and read gossip all day, or did anyone else think the Madonna-Britney kiss was a total non-event?! Well, apparently I'm in the minority because tongues are wagging all over the country about it and wannabe girls everywhere are finding themselves a girl to kiss. I thought the kiss was ok, I liked the performance - but seriously, is it scandalous?

Did you see the look on Justin's face when it happened? He HATES her!

Justin Timberlake isn't exactly hiding his ill will toward his former girlfriend, Britney Spears. Millions watched Timberlake sit stone-faced as Spears tongue-kissed Madonna during the racy opening number at the MTV Video Music Awards.

A few hours later, during a performance at Roseland ballroom, Timberlake did a barbed rendition of "Cry Me a River" in which he crooned lyrics from Carly Simon's "You're So Vain." He repeated the line "I bet you think this song is about you" over and over, a none-too-subtle slap at Spears. When the song ended, Timberlake said, "It is." (Pagesix.com)

Britney to Justin: "Cameron who? Have you met my friend, Madonna??"

Remember the ménage à trois smooch seen 'round the world, between Madonna, Christina and Britney? Well, let's just say that once those broads jumped offstage, two of them didn't stop the show. Maybe it wasn't such a stunt in the first place?

According to those who hung at an ultra-ultra-private Maverick shindig, B.S. was in a mood to continue what she and her musical muse had begun at Radio City. You know, that tongue dance.

Only difference being that Ms. S. (who's, let's see, right about 24 years Madonna's junior?) showed just how much she worships the legendary Material Girl. By getting down on her knees.

But let's hold on right here, honeycakes. Reppers for both bottled blondies bemoan the accuracy of what you're about to read. Even though (sober) soiree attendees swear on their Prada pumps that the following occurred, Camp Britney, in particular, pooped that it "absolutely, unequivocally" did not. Got that?
Now, not only did Brit-babe, according to those hanging with such rarefied types as Guy Ritchie and Nicole Kidman (who'd just swung over from filming The Stepford Wives), kneel at the altar that is Madonna Ciccone, but she...

Whew! I'm getting computerized palpitations writing this; how can I go on? Breathe, everybody. Let's breathe together. And then--as we're all slowly coming back into the reality that is pop stars doing whatever they can to generate publicity come new-record time--recall what it is women complain about most.
Not getting enough lovin' where it counts.

Britney took care of that, or so I'm told, right before B. 'n' M. did the kissin' thang again. But they kept their clothes on!

Too bad. Must not be the real thing, then. Will these two ever so slightly fading superstars do anything to rekindle their resplendent bonfires of days past? (The Awful Truth, Eonline.com)

Even Xtina can't out-dirrty Britney this week!

Christina Aguilera had a gay old time at Plaid the other night. The skanky songbird glitzed up the club's weekly "Buckingham" swishfest with a crew that included Pamela Anderson, David LaChapelle and his she-male muse Amanda Lapore. The group decided on Plaid after Aguilera told her new pal Lapore, "Take me somewhere where I can see guys getting into it." Aguilera spent the night bumping and grinding on the dance floor while LaChapelle snapped pictures.

This is for all of you 90210 fans!

Actor Luke Perry has embarked on a romance with Rebecca Gayheart -- the actress who played his wife on their hit TV show Beverly Hills 90210. Perry -- who's separated from his wife of 10 years Minnie Perry -- was spotted with sexy Gayheart at the upscale Shore Club on Miami Beach, Florida, where they spent a mid-August weekend.

An eyewitness tells American tabloid the Star, "There's no doubt they're an item. They laid out by the pool, and Rebecca was halfway on Luke's chaise lounge so they could make out. "They strolled on the beach hand-in-hand and showed up at the nearby Skybar at night." Perry's spokesman Arnold Robinson insists his 37-year-old client and Gayheart are just friends. (SFGate.com)

Hmmm….Orlando Bloom….I have a hard time caring about him.

British acting sensation Orlando Bloom has reportedly secured a new high- profile female fan -- supermodel Helena Christensen. British tabloids are hinting the pair may be more than just friends after 34-year-old Helena -- who has a three-year-old son with boyfriend Norman Reedus -- photographed Orlando for a magazine, was then seen with him at the Pirates Of The Caribbean: Curse Of The Black Pearl premiere and then again at a party in London. A friend of the 26-year-old screen star tells British newspaper the Daily Star, "She clearly adores his company."(imdb.com)

How much do you want to bet that there are thousands of women across the world out buying Zantrex-3 now?

Britney Spears takes slimming pills to maintain her sexy shape, according to a British tabloid newspaper. The pop princess was outed after dropping a bottle "fat burning" tablets at London's Heathrow airport yesterday - before boarding a flight to Los Angeles. Photographs in the London-based Daily Star show Britney grabbing for a blue bottle, which the tabloid claims to have identified as Zantrex-3 - popular diet supplements. Zantrex-3, sold over the counter in America, is meant to be used as part of a calorie-controlled diet. A celebrity spotter at Heathrow backs up the newspaper's claim; "It was definitely a bottle of Zantrex-3. I know what the pills look like. "Britney seemed very keen to grab the pills before anybody saw what they were. But it was too late." The 22-year-old pop icon has struggled with her weight in the past. After splitting from Justin Timberlake last year she reportedly binged and piled on weight - before causing controversy later in the year after collapsing at a concert in the States, with pals blaming a crash diet. A spokesperson for the singer has yet to verify the claims. (imdb.com)

Paris Hilton is so unoriginal. I guess if she can't make out with Madonna, she'll make out with someone who HAS made out with Madonna.

Paris Hilton is adding some sapphic sizzle to her love life. The hot-to-trot hotel heiress has apparently flipped for former Madonna galpal Ingrid Casares.

Hilton and Casares scandalized South Beach last weekend by smooching, holding hands and dirty-dancing in nightclubs all over town.

The uncanny coupling erupted Friday night on the dance floor at Prive, the site of an Ocean Drive magazine bash for "The Simple Life," the Fox reality show chronicling Hilton's and best friend Nicole Richie's wacky month on an Arkansas farm.

The high-stepping Hiltie was spotted locking lips on the dance floor with Casares, a well-connected South Beach party promoter who has dated Madonna and Sandra Bernhard. The show went on until the wee hours of Saturday morning, when they slipped out the club's back door together.

On Saturday night, Paris and Ingrid joined "Party Monster" stars Macaulay Culkin, Seth Green and Wilmer Valderama for a rooftop screening atop the Delano hotel. At the after-party at Prive, Ashton Kutcher, sporting a diamond-encrusted hammer necklace that would make P. Diddy proud, boogied to hip-hop with his "That '70s Show" co-stars Danny Masterson and Valderama.

Though Demi Moore was nowhere in sight, lovesick Kutcher paged his well-preserved sweetie every 30 minutes. Kutcher may have been on his best behavior, but there were plenty of other hook-ups happening around him. Valderama was ensconced in a banquette with Colombian bombshell Sofia Vergara, while Culkin shared champagne with girlfriend Mila Kunis and Hilton and Casares danced atop the club's main bar.

The weekend wound down with several pool parties and even more gossip: Seth Green was said to have hooked up with Nicole Richie, the hard-partying daughter of singer Lionel Richie.
Paris, who has been linked to everyone from "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis to Sugar Ray frontman Mark McGrath to ageless producer Robert Evans - but whose steady boyfriend is Sum 41's Deryck Whibley - still seemed besotted with Casares on Monday morning. They were spotted floating on a raft in the Delano pool. (Pagesix.com)

When did Usher and Chilli break up?!?!

Usher's ex-girlfriend Chilli should have paid more attention to his songwriting. Chilli was said to be taken aback when the R&B singer ditched her last month, but spies said the offing was long in the making. "First he made a music video for 'U Got It Bad' depicting him and her fighting in public," our source points out. "Then, three months ago, he recorded a song, 'Burn,' for his upcoming album, 'Confessions,' about letting the relationship he really doesn't want to be in fizzle out. He knew it was over. He's not sad at all. He's been partying like a madman all over the place. Chilli was never into the party scene, she always wanted him to stay home with her and her son." A rep for Usher declined comment. (Pagesix.com)

I have to admit that I'm very curious about Scientology. I'm not interested in converting; I'm more interested in the same way that I'm interested in transsexual lesbians, Plushies and Furries.

Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Lisa Marie Presley, Kirstie Alley, Juliette Lewis and other Scientologists may have signed away many of the rights that most Americans take for granted.

As they move up into the higher levels of the Church of Scientology, members sign documents giving up their right to psychiatric care and to see their families.

These contracts have been unearthed by David Touretzky, a research professor at Carnegie Mellon University in the Computer Science Dept. and the Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition. Touretsky, who has been investigating the Scientology "religion" for six years, has posted the documents on his Web site, www-2.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Fishman.

One is a release form a Scientologist seeking advanced training must sign "forever [giving] up [the] right to sue the church and its staff for any injury or damage suffered in any way connected with Scientology."

Rick Ross, a well-known cult watcher, writes on his Web site, rickross.com: "It seems that Scientologist superstars may be signing away rights most citizens within free countries take for granted."

The "church" also has a document titled "Agreement and General Release Regarding Spiritual Assistance" which states, "Others may think that I need psychiatric treatment. I instead desire to receive Scientology spiritual assistance."

The same agreement prohibits "any psychiatrist, medical person, designated member of the state or family member" from placing the Scientologist into a hospital or facility for psychiatric treatment. Instead, the Scientologists are subjected to the "Introspection Rundown," an "intensive, rigorous Religious Service that includes being isolated from all sources of potential spiritual upset, including but not limited to family members, friends or others."

The subject is supervised by "church members 24 hours a day at the direction of [a] Case Supervisor [who will] determine the time period [the subject] will remain isolated." The "church" is under scrutiny for this practice and is being sued by the family of Lisa McPherson, who died in 1995 in Clearwater, Fla., allegedly after being held for 17 days as she underwent an "Introspection Rundown."

McPherson's body was dehydrated and covered in insect bites, according to her family, which has a wrongful death suit against the Church of Scientology. (Pagesix.com)

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Past Columns:
September 12: Britney retreads Christina.
September 5: Scientologist superstars sign their freedoms away.
August 29: Arghnold says Oui to orgies.
August 22: In P. Diddy she trusts.
August 17: Courtney Love: The horror! The horror!
August 8: Who's wearing a Red Lobster bib with his thong?
August 1: Everyone loves a washed-up MTV hack.
July 28: Chris Penn puts a midget in his place.