What a week! Ben and JHo are on the rocks, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is running for Governor of California. I'll leave the political discussions to someone else (Ah-nuld will win) and do I really need to get into the Bennifers? Here's what I think -- he did get kinky with those strippers, Jen does think he's bringing her career down and Ben will join Puffy and Cris Judd as JHo cast-offs. Let's just hope that when Jen dumps poor Ben, Matt will take him back.

Anyone care to wager on when the big breakup will be announced?

Did anyone else see Mo Rocca on the Today show applying his "Shanghai Surprise Theorem" to Ben and JHo's relationship? He gave them nine months; I give them six months.

Jennifer Lopez is dealing with the devastating failure of "Gigli" all by herself -- with Ben Affleck, her co-star in life as well as on screen, hundreds of miles away. The night before the turkey opened, she took off her engagement ring and fled the set of her movie, "Shall We Dance," in Winnipeg, Canada, for the comforts of her Los Angeles home. "Jennifer was really upset and arrived in Los Angeles on Thursday night," our spy said. She and fiance Affleck, who's in Vancouver filming "Payback," had been spending nearly every weekend together.

J.Lo resurfaced Saturday for a photo shoot for W magazine where she was "very cranky." She later went to dinner at Koi with 15 pals, including rapper Q-Tip, and then to Shelter, where "they rang up a $9,000 bar tab" in the VIP room," a source said. "Jennifer kept talking about the 'drama, drama, drama,' and told several people she was single before hitting the dance floor for the rest of the night. She was not wearing the engagement ring." A pal of Lopez' denied she and Affleck have split.

Lopez might also be upset Affleck went to Brandi's Exotic Nightclub in Vancouver the night of July 17 with Tara Reid, Christian Slater and Slater's wife, Ryan Haddon.

The next day, "Entertainment Tonight" correspondent Chris Booker went to interview Affleck, but was told he was "too sick." Booker, who dates Lopez' sister Lynda Lopez, patiently waited for a day until Affleck recuperated. The sudden illness gives credence to reports that the star was carousing into the wee hours with some of the strippers. (Page Six)

Actor Ben Affleck is a huge fan of teensy-tiny thong underwear, according to a flustered hotel chambermaid who says she caught him unawares. The unnamed woman works at a hotel in Atlanta, Ga., where Jennifer Lopez and her strapping fiance were staying, and says that when she walked in to clean their room at an inopportune moment, she came face to face with Affleck's stringy knickers choice -- and J.Lo's infamous temper.

The maid reveals to Britain's Heat magazine, "As a hotel maid I see a lot of things, but I never once expected to walk in on Ben Affleck wearing an itsy-bitsy black thong. The worst thing was that Jen was there and she didn't seem to mind one bit that he prefers flossing to regular men's boxer shorts." The stunned cleaner continues, "Jen was not impressed that I had stumbled in on them. Perhaps she was embarrassed that her husband-to-be's underwear is more feminine than hers?" (SFGate.com)

Ben and JHo are spotted livin' it up before the opening of "Gigli."

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez in a roped-off area at a Red Lobster in Savannah, Ga., where they recently bought a mansion. (Page Six)

Now THIS may be the real story, my friends….STAY TUNED!

Just when we stopped reeling from the news that Kylie's Frenchman Olivier Martinez and Angelina Jolie might be on together, comes more devastating romantic revelations. The pillow-lipped actress has been snapped kissing (an not just a peck on the cheek) her other handsome co-star, Ethan Hawke, aka Mr Uma Thurman. Stretching the method acting principle to its limit, the pair chatted before smooching in her trailer, then walked to the set to continue filming Taking Lives. (Peoplenews.com)

Have I ever told you about my crush on Prince Harry?

Future King of England Prince William is heir to the British throne, but it's his 17-year-old brother, Prince Harry, who is Lord of the Ladies. September's Vanity Fair reports that Harry has been plowing through legions of "long-stemmed blondes" whom he entices with the pick-up line: "Do you want to come back to my palace for a drink?" If the lady accepts, Harry takes her back to "Club H" - Harry's basement den of debauchery at dad Prince Charles' estate in Highgrove, Scotland.

Harry has sealed many a romance in the lusty lair equipped with a sophisticated sound system and a well-stocked bar. "He has had this long succession of girlfriends," a Highgrove neighbor says. "Harry's is the best of both worlds. He has all the fun - all the privilege and the pleasure - with none of the hassles. William is not so fortunate." (Page Six)

No way -- he might want to collaborate with Lisa Marie professionally, but she's NOT his type.

Sean "P Diddy" Combs has sparked rumors he is romancing rock heiress Lisa Marie Presley -- after the pair were seen leaving a New York nightclub together. The two stars were partying at Manhattan nightspot Mission when Puffy reportedly spotted Nicolas Cage's ex-wife and sent over a bottle of champagne worth $480. An onlooker says, "They arrived separately and P Diddy sent over a bottle of champagne when he spotted her sitting at another table. And the bottles kept coming. "As soon as one was finished he sent over another. By the time the night was over, the bill was nearly $8,000. But his perseverance paid off because they got chatting and eventually left together accompanied by their entourages." (SFGate.com)

Take that, Demi and Ashton!

Kim Cattrall has landed herself a Hollywood hunk - she's started dating Bruce Willis. The blonde actress, 46, split from third husband Mark Levinson earlier this year but, despite saying recently she was looking for a toy boy, she's got together with The Sixth Sense hunk, 48. Kim met Bruce at a party held by Sean 'P Diddy' Combs in July and the pair have been spotted out on dinner dates together. A pal of Willis says, "He's quietly but intensely romancing Kim." The Die Hard actor split from wife Demi Moore in 1998. (imdb.com)

OUCH!

Edward Norton holding hands with a brunette beauty named Nina as they left Babbo, where he'd told the waiters, "She's much prettier than Salma [Hayek], isn't she?" (Page Six)

Um, don't we think Lance is gay?

'N Sync hunk Lance Bass has been making the dreams of secret girlfriend Paris Hilton come true -- she was a huge fan of his before they even met. Hotel heiress Paris, 20, loved Lance's work with the boyband, and the pair have now reportedly started dating after coming together for a film adaptation of classic American novel "The Great Gatsby," due for release next year. A pal reveals, "Paris had a huge crush on Lance when he was in the band. "They were finally introduced at a party in Los Angeles a few months ago and since then they have been joined at the hip." (SFGate.com)

Now this is a GAP commercial I would be interested to see. That Madonna/Missy Elliott one? Lame.

Britney and Justin, back together again, again? According to the beacon of truth that is the Daily Star, the former golden couple of pop are to take a leaf out of Madonna and Missy's book and are in talks to make a Gap commercial together. The pair, who ended their relationship last year, were rumored to be singing a duet together for Britters new album, however due to 'other commitments' Justin didn't have time. Should they accept, the Gap commercial will net them a nifty £1.4 million each, and it looks like for that kind of money, Justin will be making the time to get involved. Britney told a friend: 'I think it would be cool. Justin and me back together again. Who knows where it will lead.' Cameron Diaz, Justin's latest squeeze, has made no comment about the reunion. (Peoplenews.com)

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Past Columns:
September 12: Britney retreads Christina.
September 5: Scientologist superstars sign their freedoms away.
August 29: Arghnold says Oui to orgies.
August 22: In P. Diddy she trusts.
August 17: Courtney Love: The horror! The horror!
August 8: Who's wearing a Red Lobster bib with his thong?
August 1: Everyone loves a washed-up MTV hack.
July 28: Chris Penn puts a midget in his place.