I'm as surprised by the Bennifer break-up as I was when Ellen Degeneres came out! Aren't you?! Or Rosie!! Now, that was a shocker!!

Seriously folks, has there ever been a more boring break-up? I have received several emails asking me if I was going to send out a "special edition" surrounding the split and I did think about it. But what would I say? At the end of the day, I have one sentence that sums up how I feel.

It's about fucking time.

Moving on, last Saturday I received an email titled, "Courteny (sic) Love." It read, "is at the 4 seasons hotel in nyc and is loaded with massive amoutns of drugs and syringes and has a gun. shes out of her mind and has compeletely lost control of everything. the staff doesn't know what to do and wants to kick her out. something bad is about to happen/. someone should know. she is trying to kill herself."

Imagine my surprise! But….what do you do with an email like this? I could hardly call The Four Seasons! What would they say? "Why, yes! Courtney Love IS holed up in one of our rooms threatening to kill herself. How did YOU know?"

So, I did the only thing I could think to do. I forwarded the email to my friends Cloud and Ellie and said "Can you believe this shit?" And then responded to the person who sent it to me asking "Are you serious? How do you know?"

I received a response! It said, "I am serious and she needs help. no one has the guts to call police or get her help. she has completely lost her mind and is out of control and no one will lift a finger to help her. isn't there someone in NYC you can call that will call the cops or someone? anyone that will have the guts to force her to get the help she needs. plus it would be a breaking story for you. I can't tell you how I know since it would jeopardize too many relationships."

Yes, it WOULD be a breaking story for me…but, alas, I have no way of confirming it or reporting it. What would I say to the NYPD? "I received an anonymous email telling me that Courtney Love is threatening suicide at The Four Seasons! How do I know? Well, um, see…I have this little gossip column online…Well, yeah…like I said, it was an anonymous tip…..No, I don't have any more information. Ok, yeah…I understand, you get lots of crazy calls…Right, you can't check up on all of them…Ok, no - I won't call back unless I have more concrete information." Click.

There was nothing I could really do with this tip, but to the person who sent it to me and to anyone else who may want to send me something in the future - keep it coming! Even when gossip turns out not to be true, I still love it!

Looks like Courtney was making waves over the weekend, though!

Courtney Love, hip-hop diva? Our favorite celebrity train wreck turned heads at trendy tranvestite J.T. Leroy's bash at the Coral Room when she had several commoners evicted from a banquette to make room for herself and hipster hangers-on Casey Spooner and Norman Reedus. Later, Love insisted that Spin magazine's Marc Spitz hear her band Hole's new CD, "America's Sweetheart." Love dragged Spitz outside to find a car stereo and tried rap mogul Damon Dash's unoccupied SUV. When Dash's chauffeur stopped her, Love demonstrated her hip-hop street cred: "No, it's OK! I know Damon Dash, I know DMX, I know them all!" (Pagesix.com)

This is great, JHo sounds even more boring than me! At least I watch tv!!

If you've ever wondered who was the most boring, rude celebrity to meet, look no further. The unlucky souls who interview stars for a living and profile them for glossy magazines have shared with PAGE SIX their picks for Hollywood's worst. So as not to add to the jobless rolls, we're keeping the journos' names confidential.

* Courtney Love: "She doesn't hear a word you are saying," said one celebrity interviewer. "She just rambles on and on, frothing like a mad cow, free-forming her way through her little crammed noggin."
* Denise Richards: The pug-nosed actress and wife of Charlie Sheen is "as frightened as a deer in the headlights, and she loves using words like 'sun,' 'water,' 'ocean.' Over and over again."
* Gwyneth Paltrow: America's favorite ice queen "just won't answer questions. She'll tell you stuff like, 'I don't like to talk to reporters,' and you are like, 'Well, then why are you here?' She won't tell you a thing and only wants to talk about her 'art' and has fake graciousness."
* Jennifer Lopez: The diva who just postponed her wedding to Ben Affleck is just plain "dull. She is so boring. She arrived an hour late and said her favorite book was something like 'Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much.' She doesn't read, she doesn't watch TV or movies - nothing."
* Hugh Jackman: "He's dull, but it's a studied dullness. He says right away, 'I am so boring,' but it's a ploy. He is just guarded, but it doesn't make for a good interview."
* Gerard Depardieu: One celeb writer had to rush over to meet with the actor 21/2 hours early or forfeit the interview. "[Depardieu] weaves in and plops down in the chair in front of me," the writer recalls. "He is pale and sweating, his eyes are rolling in his head, his face looks like Silly Putty. "He is slurring-word drunk, but being Depardieu, his diction is perfect. He orders a half-bottle of wine for us. Throws it back like water. Talks for about 15 minutes about St. Augustin, the saint, not the town. Then he declares, 'I have to go to sleep now,' gets up and walks out." (Pagesix.com)

Note to Vincent Thomas: celebrities are never as nice as they appear to be on TV!

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck canceled their Santa Barbara wedding, but invitee Britney Spears showed up anyway - and proceeded to shop until she dropped. Merchants across the city said Spears, who stayed at the Four Seasons Biltmore under an assumed name, was everywhere last week, turning up at coffee houses, bars, cafes and clothing stores - especially Nordstrom. "She was in the store for hours," Carla Ajan, a Chanel saleswoman at Nordstrom, told The Post's Howard Breuer. Ajan said Spears wore brown velour sweats, pink flip-flops, a white T-shirt off the shoulder with no bra and "an ugly, weird hat." Although Ajan said Spears was OK, others said she snootily refused autographs and pictures. "I asked her for an autograph," said salesman Robert Velasquez. "She said, 'No, I'm busy shopping.' " Shoe salesman Vincent Thomas said Britney reluctantly scribbled an autograph on his business card, but he was too turned off by her attitude to tell his girlfriend, a Britney fan, about it. "I'll let her hold on to her fantasy that Britney Spears is as nice as she appears to be on TV," Thomas said. (Pagesix.com)

Why does Edward Norton hate Salma Hayek so much? He's been dissing her EVERYWHERE!

After a splitting up with their respective partners, Helena Christensen and Edward Norton have turned to each other for comfort. The couple were spotted deep in conversation at the GQ Man of the Year party recently, and after a night on the tiles at Soho House, left together. The model's former flame, actor Norman Reedus, has apparently been kicked - amicably - to touch. A spokeswoman for Reedus was unimpressed. 'They split up about a year ago,' she yawned. 'It isn't news.' Christensen herself wasn't so blase about newsworthiness of the split. 'It's extremely annoying,' she said in April about persistently being forced to deny splits and affairs. 'I can't go anywhere with someone else who is famous without being linked with him.'

You certainly can't go to the GQ Man of the Year party with Edward Norton. Nor indeed to the Q Awards a few weeks ago, also in London and also with Edward Norton, where the pair refused to be separated for longer than it took to fetch a fresh round of vol-au-vents. Norton split from his girlfriend Salma Hayek recently, ostensibly (if you believe Courtney Love) because he couldn't understand what the Mexican actress was saying. Asked in a recent interview when she would be getting married, Hayek responded with venom: 'When I find a man who has more balls than me.' Something you want to tell us, Mr Hayek? (Peoplenews.com)

'The first time, she went to turn on the lights afterwards, and he leapt out of bed and ran into the bathroom so she wouldn't see his body. He emerged 20 minutes later, in full make-up and wearing a silk robe. Then they went at it again.' Just a snippet from The Magic and the Madness, by the splendidly-named J Randy Taraborelli, the most recent expose of pop plastician Michael Jackson. In it, Don't Stop Till You Get Enough is revealed as something other than one of his hits, and more of a bedroom mantra.

In the mornings, former wife Lisa Marie Presley would tap him on the shoulder. '"No Lisa," he would shriek, "Please don't look!" Then he would jump out of bed and scamper to the bathroom.' A friend of Lisa's confided: 'His love-making took her breath away.' Not the worst place for an asthma attack, given Jacko's collection of oxygen tents. That said, not by any means the best either. (Peoplenews.com)

Love this!

Paris Hilton is laughing all to way onto the covers of magazines, if not the bank. The undies-shuning heiress just shot covers for The Face, Vegas magazine and Ocean Drive. She waltzed into Bungalow 8 after 2 a.m. yesterday and made a bee-line for the banquette where Ingrid Casares was holding court. Our spy had to leave before any shenanigans could commence. But Paris' friend Joe Francis, who makes millions with his "Girls Gone Wild" videos, didn't help her reputation with his recent appearance on Howard Stern. "When she's sober, Paris is a pretty smart girl," Francis said. "When is she sober?" Stern asked. "Sunday night," Francis joked.(Pagesix.com)

Since I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm going to go into labor this weekend and my column is going to be on hiatus for awhile, this one's for my friend, Julie - the biggest supporter of this column since day one. Cheers to our girl Paris, Jules!

Paris Hilton, the table-top dancing young socialite who reportedly likes to leave her skivvies at home, has surprising advice: playing hard-to-get. "I tell Nicky [her kid sister], with guys, they're only gonna want what they can't have," Hilton tells Seventeen magazine in its October issue. "Nobody wants the beaten-up Prada purse on Canal Street. Everyone wants the brand-new colorful Louis Vuitton one that no one can get. Guys don't want the girl who's been around the block."(msnbc.com)

About Nikki B.

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Talk gossip at the The Water Cooler

Past Columns:
September 12: Britney retreads Christina.
September 5: Scientologist superstars sign their freedoms away.
August 29: Arghnold says Oui to orgies.
August 22: In P. Diddy she trusts.
August 17: Courtney Love: The horror! The horror!
August 8: Who's wearing a Red Lobster bib with his thong?
August 1: Everyone loves a washed-up MTV hack.
July 28: Chris Penn puts a midget in his place.