GUSTO: BitchSlap by Elizabeth F. Stewart: The gloves are off.

One man's Lolita; another boy's Mrs. Robinson. At 18, I was seducing the odd 15-year-old. I was being seduced by an odd 40-year-old. At 50, both archetypic spirits throb inside me: the nymphette and the seasoned vamp. Both throbbing spirits play with the handsome, versatile Mr. X, 33.

A shy, charming, eye-fluttering flirtation masked an immediate visceral connection when we met at a party eight years ago. He displayed mature, exquisite taste and intuition by whispering into my ear, begging prettily to be my boytoy. My pulse was sent racing so I granted him an audience the following week. We could not keep our button-picking hands off one another from the time he walked in the door. I became his dominatrix, he, my prized possession -- my collared, rope-bound, worshipful slaveboy, helpless before me on the floor, the stiletto of my thigh-high boot toying with his sex.

We have found and tested some boundaries to build trust and respect, making mistakes, learning and moving on. Over time the power dynamic has become fluid enough for me to comfortably relinquish my power sometimes to "be the young one," if we want to have fun with something like teacher/schoolgirl age role play. As the nymphette I wickedly tempt Mr. X with my budding feminine wiles while testing his patience with my childish brattiness.

Whether seasoned vamp or nymphette, with Mr. X I feel energetic and sensual, like an ageless creative force. I have the best of both archetypic ages with him. However, if I were a nymphette's chronological/experiential age, I wouldn't have the additional life experience to complete the combination, the sophistication to comprehend it or the ecstasy in appreciating it.

There is no game plan for my madcap lifestyle. I'm not the marrying kind, as the cowgirl said to the rancher's son, wiping away his tears as she rode off into the sunset. So, my arrangement with Mr. X works beautifully for me -- a passionate, loving, creative sexual friendship that we enjoy every week or so. Otherwise, we have completely separate lifestyles. Our unconventional relationship is unique in both our lives. He prefers it to remain strictly under wraps in his life, which I honor. With many other wonderful friends and sexual friendships in my life, I lack for nothing.

The Bitch is very grateful, however, never to have wanted a husband/nuclear family. Anyway, the chances of my having one are only infinitesimally better now with terrorism on the upswing since Newsweek's infamous 1986 cover story, "Too Late for Prince Charming," predicted a 40-year-old woman had a better chance of being attacked by terrorists than finding a husband. I was 34 and not worried then either, being the lesbian partner of an ad exec, with neither of us hoping to breed. Ever.

Obviously, aging single women have more difficulty than single older men finding an opposite-sex partner. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, average male life expectancy is about 73.6 years while the average female's is 79.4 years. Widowers over 65 are stalked by rapacious widow gangs. But, if the old dude is ready to date or have sex, who does he want?

Generally, aging males find ever-younger females attractive. Gay male culture is no nicer to aging men either. Both suck off of commercial youthful appearance: tight buns, abs, muscle definition and full heads of hair--big boobs for girls; baskets for boys. Older gay men on the prowl for younger men are chicken hawks, their prey, chicken. Young women are commonly referred to as chicks. What are older het men? Old buzzards?

Some age difference between human love and sex partners is tolerated, but when does it: a) evoke eyebrow-raising; b) provoke societal shunning; or, c) demand stoning in the village square? To view global ages of consent, including the US, check out <a href="http://www.ageofconsent.com/ageofconsent.htm">ageofconsent.com</a>.

Any radical departure from established traditions can be deeply upsetting to some communities. A marriage in Nairobi several weeks ago has simply outraged all Africa. Wambui Otieno, 67, a famous feminist and former freedom fighter, wed 25-year-old Peter Mbugua, her houseboy. If this had happened in the U.S. it would already be a reality TV show: "Who Wants to Marry a Kikuyu?"

Their 42-year age difference provoked pervasive anger, as reported in The Washington Post, "News of a younger man marrying an older woman roared across newspaper headlines and radio shows throughout the continent. The union touched a sensitive part of the African psyche, igniting a debate over women's rights, marriage and the polar pulls of tradition and modernity. There were rumors that he married her for the money. And accusations that she married him to make a "political statement."

Otieno was born to the Kikuyu tribe, but her first husband was Luo. When she married into that tribe the Luo revoked her birthrights to her own inheritance. By marrying Mbugua, she restores her Kikuyu legal status and is again free to leave him her inheritance. As she exclaimed, "African widows suffer too much. We run the country, do all the work and yet we have no rights."

Aside from whatever pragmatic motives for the marriage she might have, The Washington Post explains, "They held hands. He soothed her when her pacemaker made her feel weak. She captivated him with her feisty rants and saucy political stories of an African nation at independence. They fell in love."

This story of an older woman in Nairobi is universal. Otieno speaks for many when she said, "I waited and waited for some old man to fall in love with and I was staring at the ceiling getting depressed because no one ever came. It's such a hypocritical thing, because old men marry teenagers all the time and nothing is said."

Sperm gotta swim, eggs gotta die. An older male's desire for a female "breeder" is biological. Our supplies are finite, so females lose breeding value with age, no matter how vital and sexually appealing we are at midlife, while even doddering old geezers' sperm replenish themselves -- if the plumbing still works.

As for younger women pursuing older men, some cynics would insist they only do it for their money. But, many honest young people do seek sincere older partners for a sense of stability and security. Perhaps a younger woman's desire for an older man is also biological. An article in Discover Magazine online, which describes an evolutionary model developed by Stephen Proulx, a zoologist at the University of Toronto.

So pay attention, you 20-ish minx. That 50-ish sports car-flaunting comb-over freak who keeps hitting on you might not be the terminal loser you're disdaining, but a madly fertile sperm factory with the sturdiest genes this side of Methuselah. So, if you want a McMansion full of uber-babies with killer genes, get with that middle-aged crazy man. You know you want him. Get him while you can, chick, because when you're 50-ish and he's 80-ish (if, God willing, he lives past 73.6) he'll still want someone 22-ish anyhow. But, then, so will you. Carpe Diem.

Elizabeth F. Stewart, AKA "The Bitch of Dupont Circle" (BoDC), was lovingly given this Nomme de Perv by her mentor in the leather community, because she is a bitch, as well as a denizen of that 'hood in Washington DC. She is an art director (see www.efstewart.com) and writer (see also www.pervgrrl.org), whose fave hobbies include cracking wise, dressing up, getting off, telling others where to get off, and arranging things in an attractive fashion.