Don't mind the swishing sound

Nevermind that swishing sound coming from underneath Judge Thompson's bench -- he's just using his penis pump during the trial. Ms. Foster saw Judge Thompson masturbate on a number of occasions and during the course of her employment, saw his penis fifteen to twenty times. On one occasion, Ms. Foster saw Judge Thompson holding his penis up and shaving underneath it with a disposable razor while on the bench. She saw him put lotion on his penis on more than one occasion while on the bench....

Those crazy Danes

I really doubt this will curb at-work porn surfing. I wonder if Scandinavian porn is any better than, say, Belgian? I should...get back to work....

Bag of Bones

The Museum of Sex in NYC may be a dud, but perhaps the Iceland Phallological Museum is a real stud. If you're too impoverished or busy to visit Bjork's homeland, you can always buy your own reproductive tools here. (Thanks, Tobs!)...

The ladies love Benicio

It's difficult to say who got the better deal in this exchange, but I'll put my money on the elevator. From the UK Sun: MOVIE starlet Scarlett Johansson has confessed to having sex with actor Benicio Del Toro — in a hotel LIFT. Scarlett, 19, was spotted rushing off with the Puerto Rican tough guy after a party. The beauty invited Benicio, 37, up to her room after snogging in front of amazed onlookers at the Chateau Marmont hotel before the Oscars ceremony in February. But she has admitted they never made it out of the lift before lust took...

Songs to Wank To

We were going to put together a list of our own in our series of posts about Masturbation May, but fuck it -- this guy has done it for us (thx, happy scrappy). Although most of the playlist is solid, we have to admit to a queasy bemusement about his/her having included The Brady Bunch's rendition of "O Come All Ye Faithful." That's an O-stopper, if you ask me... and in the deal-closing last song spot. But hey, whatever gets you off, dude. p.s. Suggestion - "Orgasm Addict" by the Buzzcocks....

Five Wanky Ways to Celebrate Masturbation Month

Ah, the lusty month of May. As H.J. previously noted, May is National Masturbation Month! Your ever-vigilant Gusto buddies have some ideas for making the month extra-special, so pay your electric bill, run a bath, and grab a racy novel to celebrate solo. 1. Add new euphemisms for masturbation to your repertoire. Some of our favorites include, for men, the redundant herpetological metaphor, "Wrangling the invertebrate serpent" and, for women, "Playing clitar." Once you've whet your appetite for more sexual euphemisms, check out The Bald-Headed Hermit and the Artichoke: An Erotic Thesaurus. 2. Spice up the usual blonde-on-blonde-silicone-boobie porn routine...

Finally, it's a theme month I can get with

May is Masturbation Month. (via JVG)...