Fainting from laughter

They're not monkeys, but that's the only thing lacking in these critters. Fainting goat videos here and here....

Roadside Attractions

Without doubt, it's meant to be. The first entry on this list of reasons to pull off the highway is Louie's Lunch, which is one of my favorite places in the world to get a hamburger. As the story goes, in 1900 a man requested that the luncheonette’s owner make him something to eat on the go—the result was a broiled beef patty in between two slices of bread. Voilà! America’s first hamburger. Louis’ still serves them the same way, and don’t even think about ketchup—condiments are forbidden....

Return to Monkey Island

I stumbled across this article after reading a WSJ diatribe on Michael Kinsley. It seems lab researchers let rhesus monkeys take over an entire island in the Florida Keys. Lois Key and nearby Racoon Key are owned by Charles River Laboratories, the world's biggest producer of lab animals. For decades, the company raised rhesus monkeys on the islands and allowed them to range free on Lois Key. "They ate the trees, they ate the coastal mangroves and actually killed the trees," said Ed Davidson of the Florida Audubon Society. "The shoreline eroded, and the monkey droppings wash out into the...

At least the monkeys are better off than the humans.

Officials in the mountainous northern Indian state of Himachal Pradesh say they are struggling to control a severe form of monkey diarrhoea. Thousands of primates in the forested Himalayan slopes are affected. Officials say the disease has killed dozens and hundreds more remain ill with bleeding from their mouths, and rapid weight loss. Clearly our scientists need to be working on monkey Imodium....

V

Kurt Vonnegut never grows up. And it's a wonderful thing to read. There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president. But, when you stop to think about it, only a nut case would want to be a human being, if he or she had a choice. Such treacherous, untrustworthy, lying and greedy animals we are! I was born a human being in 1922 A.D. What does “A.D.” signify? That commemorates an inmate of this lunatic asylum we call...

He was a mighty good gorilla

Max the crime-fighting gorilla has died in South Africa. (thx, Monkeywire) A gorilla who became a cult figure in crime-ridden South Africa after he was shot confronting an armed robber on the run died on Wednesday, the Johannesburg Zoo said. Max, a 200 kg (440 pound) ape, rose to fame in 1997 after being wounded by a terrified gunman who made the mistake of jumping a moat into his zoo enclosure while fleeing police. Max was shot as he fiercely defended his territory. He also vented his anger on two policemen in pursuit, biting one on the buttocks and arm....

Monkeys Rule

No one likes to be teased and taunted. Especially apes. Yeah, not even apes can take two teenagers throwing rocks and ice at them. That's why Jabari, a gorilla living at the Dallas Zoo, escaped from his cage last week and attacked three people before getting a taste of zookeeper justice. Wouldn't it be great if there were a news service that only ran stories about monkeys? Well get those opposable thumbs ready, because there is! Monkeywire delivers monkey news once a week. If you've never sympathized with Homer Simpson's desire for a helper monkey ("PRAY FOR MOJO..."), then watch...