Click here to play the Anti-Bush video game. While it's pretty juvenile, and some of the imagery is pretty offensive, I have to admit I enjoyed attacking the Karl Rove cyborg with my stem-cell shooting Christopher Reeve character......
As if radio didn't have enough conservative voices, Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting has even more bad news. The study counted 2,334 sources used in 804 stories aired last June for four programs: "All Things Considered," "Morning Edition," "Weekend Edition Saturday" and "Weekend Edition Sunday." For the analysis of think tanks, FAIR used the months of May through August 2003. Overall, Republicans outnumbered Democrats by 61 percent to 38 percent, a figure only slightly higher now, when the GOP controls the White House and both houses of Congress, than during a previous survey in 1993, during the Clinton administration. NPR has a response here. The gist is that FAIR is liberal, and so they read liberals as centrists and centrists as right-wing. Decide for yourself and read the original FAIR report here....
The always-excellent Onion AV club has a nice interview with Stephin Merritt. O: Do you follow your reviews? SM: About once a year, I'll see what people think. My favorite review of myself was in People magazine. They were reviewing the first 6ths record, and they said that ordinarily, "he sings the songs himself. He has a voice like the wind moaning through a small, relatively leafless tree."...
If you've ever wondered what life as a comedy writer is like, go no further than Slate's diary with Demetri Martin, a sketch writer for Conan. After dinner, Mike read our new characters. I didn't have such a great batch. One of mine did OK—a character named "Suzanne: Sexy Washing Machine," which would be a washing machine wearing a bikini. I'm not saying it's great, but I think it would make me laugh if I saw it. My favorite of the ones I wrote was "One Man Band on the Toilet." That would be a guy playing a few instruments while sitting on the toilet. It didn't get anything. It was a selfish pitch anyway....
The FBI's preliminary crime report is out. Mayor Bloomberg beamed like a proud father yesterday. "New York City has not only retained its title as the safest big city in the country, it has defied the odds and become even safer."...
Due to increased real-work output so that we might earn our upcoming four-day weekend, posting will be light or, in the worst case, just downright non-existent this week. May we suggest the fine establishments to the right for your reading and/or work-shirking pleasure?...
Harry Dean Stanton in Fire Walk with Me called fresh coffee "a cup of Good Morning America." I've recently discovered a new contender for that title, a surprisingly delicious and all-American drink to start out your day: 1 parts Beer 1 parts Tomato Juice It's tempting to dismiss this combo out of hand. Especially after I tell you that the ideal beer choice is Budweiser. I'm no fan of either of the two ingredients, but they are perfect complements. The taste is something between the two dominant morning drinks, the Bloody Mary and the Mimosa. It's basically sparkling tomato juice. Any unambitious yet palatable beer will do the trick. You can do better than Beast, but Stella really isn't necessary. One advantage of using Bud is that it has just enough alcohol for a nice morning glow, but not enough to negatively affect your morning commute. The drink doesn't seem to have a common name. Recipes on the web have various other ingredients with various names. I learned about it from a guy I met on a camping trip. When I asked him what he called it he said, "beer and tomato juice." Give it a try at your next...
Not to give the impression that all we're doing is watching PBS over here, but Bill Moyers gave a great interview with Texas Monthly on why he's leaving television and the future of PBS. I intend to become much more of an advocate for public broadcasting than when I am on the air and seem to be acting in self-interest. As a private citizen, I'll be one of its most consistent and ardent supporters. We must get a $5 billion trust fund. We must sever our ties to federal funding. We pay a price when we're even slightly tethered to the taxpayers, to the Congress, to the political process. What price? For years we've been looking over our shoulders, worried that a chairman of an appropriations committee is going to get angry over some piece of programming. Self-censorship comes unintentionally and even unknowingly to the person who is aware that he is obligated to the government, but this is one of those times when journalism needs to get as close to the verifiable truth as possible. And when I do that, there's always a rumble. Every three or four years, critics of public broadcasting use my programming as the means...
Doesn't God Ever Call These People Just to Say Hey?
What do PBS's Colonial House and last night's Frontline episode, "The Jesus Factor" have in common? Two subjects who believe they've been called by God to lead. In a maddening master stroke of casting, PBS appointed Jeff Wyers, a Southern Baptist minister from Texas, as Governor of the colony on Colonial House. In what (at least so far) has been the central theme of the show, Wyers attempts to create a "City on a Hill" by enforcing 17th century laws -- most of which are, incidentally, similar to Baptist teachings -- under which the colonists begin to chafe. While enforcement of the laws seems appropriate for historical verisimilitude, Wyers clearly uses his role in the colony as one of a missionary. In an almost maniacal blurring of reality and reality TV, Wyers says he has been called by God to lead the colony. "The Jesus Factor," which aired last evening but can be viewed online, explores the growing political impact of evangelical Christians and particularly the relationship between George W. Bush's faith and his presidency. For us atheist types (and I would imagine for religious people of a less evangelical stripe), the fact that GWB genuinely believes God has...
My favorite answer to the question of whether Rumsfeld will be fired was on Crossfire last week: "No -- because Bush is too weak to fire him." Bush survives because he's got a phalanx of tough soldiers around him. And it's not just the blundering policy-making team that helps George survive -- it's the armies of devoted right wing nuts who dedicate their lives to reelecting the worst president since Hoover. But I've got to admire the discipline of the Bush-Cheney team, and the way they keep tight ranks. Check out this "Leaderboard" they've created for donors, and you'll begin to see why this miserable failure has raised over $200 million. Kerry is still wobbling along at about $117 million. Our democracy is sick, but you being stingy won't help America get back on track....
The Museum of Sex in NYC may be a dud, but perhaps the Iceland Phallological Museum is a real stud. If you're too impoverished or busy to visit Bjork's homeland, you can always buy your own reproductive tools here. (Thanks, Tobs!)...
Sick of all the anti-carb hysteria? The Amateur Gourmet has compiled a short list of ways you too can celebrate the carbs within and, um, solve some interpersonal issues as well. [Thx, The Morning News]...
Like Billy Collins in his poem "Marginalia," I find notes in the margins of books fascinating. While they often can be distracting, other times they are sufficiently strange to arouse more than a passing curiosity about the person who wrote them. For instance, I have a used copy of A Confederacy of Dunces with the scrawl, "Go to E.R. and ask for sedative. You're upset." then the big letters "EMERGENCY ROOM," with an arrow to "E.R." Was someone upset by the book, so much so that he or she needed to be immediately medicated, or was the 1982 First Revised Black Cat Edition the only paper nearby in an apparently dire situation? I'm currently reading a library copy of Iris Murdoch's The Sacred and Profane Love Machine, which has a number of curious inscriptions. As I've read, I've begun to feel I know the inscriber, who is kind of like a sweet but slow-witted friend who explains the jokes on Seinfeld. ("That's funny because George's mom caught him masturbating!") I've taken the liberty of snapping a few photographs of some of my favorite notes. I hope you're not offended wherever you are, random feminist stating-the-obvious woman....
The first day of court-mandated gay marriage is also the anniversary of another court-ordered move to equality. Brown v. Board of Education was decided fifty years ago today. Brown overturned the Supreme Court's 1896 ruling of Plessy v. Ferguson, which allowed the poison of "separate but equal" to rule for over fifty years. The court decided in Brown that separate is inherently unequal. Dividing the population perpetuates inequality, the court said. It's important to remember this when we debate the idea of gay marriage. Some people want to settle for one standard for hetersexuals, and another for homosexuals. A greater percentage of Americans support civil unions than support marriage for gays and lesbians. While any church should be able to make its own decision about who it marries, the government has an obligation to give all adult citizens the same opportunities. The semantic difference between civil unions and marriage is the same old double standard of separate but equal....
If you work at an auto dealership, beware: there's a gang of cross-dressing car thieves terrorizing the south. Police believe the suspects steal the cars so they can arrive in style to various pageants and shows for cross-dressers across the Southeast. "They're not using these cars to cut up for parts or to commit other felonies," said Smith. "They're using these cars to travel between clubs throughout the Southeast." Smith cites a mountain of similar evidence collected from the vehicles, including women's underwear, sequined nightgowns, high heels and wigs....
Gusto alumni R. Hutcheson has cooked up a delicious art project to see how many people he can get to view one of his paintings. His sideshow circus style will bring a smile to your face. Take a look....
There's plenty of bad news to go around these days, but today let's start off with a couple good items: Gay couples can be married! It's a good day for Mr. Jefferson's dream. The bald eagle will soon be removed from the Endangered Species list....
Quiet as a mouse in Gusto land today. We're feeling uninspired and scattered. Weekend booze will help, we're sure. One more thing -- birthday shoutouts to Karen Cinecultist. We shall know you by your tiara. Have a good weekend, all....
Get your minds out of the gutter, people. This is a problem near and dear to my heart. Not just because it corrupts the legions of mini-Britneys and mini-Justins out there, but because a youth-driven culture is unfair to anyone older and will always make adolescent decisions. I just came from a meeting with salespeople from a big cell phone service. These execs were in their late forties and actually said things like "We're not getting news today like our parents did -- this is new, not like our parents' content delivery service!" And I was like, the only content service my parents have is for their oxygen tank! But anyways. It's been a ranting, scattershot couple of days for me. Here's an article about advertisers' agonizing over how young is too young for advertising. The similarity between advertisers and Christians is striking to me. Christians have historically argued about free will and baptism and whether someone's really been baptised if they're only a child and haven't rationally chosen to accept the Lord. Advertisers argue, I guess, about whether someone has really accepted the Cheese Steak pizza if they're too young to rationally choose it. And trust me -- we're...
I'm late to this one, but when I read that one of my favorite authors Mary Gaitskill had written an essay for the Washington Post magazine, I knew I had to find it. Although she's been somewhat of a literary recluse since her 1998 collection of short stories, Because They Wanted To, I count her first book of short stories, Bad Behavior, among my favorite collections. The WaPo essay "Love Lessons," the story of Gaitskill and her husband's experience taking in two urban kids in a summer program, is thoughtful and poignant without being condescending. And as in her fiction, Gaitskill has an uncanny ability to articulate complex emotions. This one's definitely worth a read....
Triple Crown hopeful Smarty Jones is suddenly a superstar. Thousands of fans showed up for the horse's arrival in Baltimore to prepare for this weekend's Preakness Stakes. Some of the better horses who lost the Kentucky Derby are sitting this one out in order to get some rest and challenge Smarty at the Belmont in two weeks. In the meantime, there's the "middle jewel" -- the Preakness, where champions are made and wanna-bes get the boot. Anyone have any tips?...
Our Favorites are the "Fudge Packer" (Not What You're Thinking!) and the "Gymnast's Guillotine"
How did we miss this? Gusto seldom misses an opportunity to plug Danny Gregory, particularly his lovely collaborations with The Morning News. Anyone who has ever flown in an airplane (or, incidentally, watched the "Props" game on Whose Line is It Anyway -- Anglophiles' version, please) will appreciate The Sky Mall Pop Quiz....
Recent Jeopardy! champ and idiosyncratic paleoconservative Tucker Carlson will don his bowtie to host his own show on PBS, beginning June 18. I read Carlson's book, and while I found his logic flawed, I admire his story-telling ability and his basically good nature. Perhaps I feel an affinity for Carlson because of the bowtie (it really is better for eating soup!), but also I like his ability to appreciate human characters for being human characters, and not having to always be right. I'll definitely be tuning in. Read Carlson's CNN bio here (and see the accompanying picture of Tucker trying out for a role in Croupier). Read the bitter Fox News rebuttal of Carlson's encouraging millions of people to prank the Fox newsroom here. Check out his archive of work for New York magazine here -- though let me say Carlson's at his best when writing funny stories and character pieces....
Kurt Vonnegut never grows up. And it's a wonderful thing to read. There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president. But, when you stop to think about it, only a nut case would want to be a human being, if he or she had a choice. Such treacherous, untrustworthy, lying and greedy animals we are! I was born a human being in 1922 A.D. What does “A.D.” signify? That commemorates an inmate of this lunatic asylum we call Earth who was nailed to a wooden cross by a bunch of other inmates. With him still conscious, they hammered spikes through his wrists and insteps, and into the wood. Then they set the cross upright, so he dangled up there where even the shortest person in the crowd could see him writhing this way and that. Can you imagine people doing such a thing to a person?...
The tragic, montrous death of Nick Berg has created empathy from certain Iraqis. CNN interviewed Iraqis about the footage of Berg's beheading, and they said described their shame in the same way Americans described their reaction to the photos from Abu Ghraib. They said things like "The badness of a few will overshadow the goodness of many" and "This will reflect poorly on our country." Blame for the horrific slaughter of Berg is being placed on Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Zarqawi has been blamed for over 700 deaths in Iraq over the past months. And here's the shocking, disheartening thing: the administration could've pulled the trigger on Zarqawi on not one, not two, but on three occasions. NBC News has learned that long before the war the Bush administration had several chances to wipe out his terrorist operation and perhaps kill Zarqawi himself — but never pulled the trigger. In June 2002, U.S. officials say intelligence had revealed that Zarqawi and members of al-Qaida had set up a weapons lab at Kirma, in northern Iraq, producing deadly ricin and cyanide. The Pentagon quickly drafted plans to attack the camp with cruise missiles and airstrikes and sent it to the White House,...
Sadly, the swarms of pests I'll see here in NYC are limited to rats, roaches, and Hilton sisters. But for the lucky folks out there who actually have backyards and walk on grass each day, you're in for a treat. The cicadas have arrived! I haven't heard tales of biblical swarms yet, but slowly the little critters are emerging. There's a pretty cool time-lapse video of a cicada molting here....
Dear Pizza People of the United States, Pizza, as we have come to know and love it, has been long been a staple of the American diet. I, for one, salute your tireless innovation and dedication to the customer. Through the years you've given us myriad variations in crust thickness and density. You've found more receptacles for mozzarella than we ever dreamed possible. You pioneered the pizza delivery, the pizza buffet, the tiny plastic implement that holds the box lid off the top of our steaming pie. You gave us somewhere to spend Friday nights in our small Southern hometowns when our friends who dropped acid swore they could hear the cheese. Pizza retailers, because you've stuck by us in some difficult times, I am only trying to help you when I say that this time you've gone too far. While I recognize that the tried and true sometimes may seem, well, tried, the abominations you are currently foisting on the pizza-eating public are straining our nation's loyalty to the industry. What focus group convinced you that the Steak-Umm-littered Philly Cheesesteak Pizza was a good idea? What Nascar Dad misled you into believing that average Americans want to dip an...
It's difficult to say who got the better deal in this exchange, but I'll put my money on the elevator. From the UK Sun: MOVIE starlet Scarlett Johansson has confessed to having sex with actor Benicio Del Toro — in a hotel LIFT. Scarlett, 19, was spotted rushing off with the Puerto Rican tough guy after a party. The beauty invited Benicio, 37, up to her room after snogging in front of amazed onlookers at the Chateau Marmont hotel before the Oscars ceremony in February. But she has admitted they never made it out of the lift before lust took over....
Call me a sucker for interactive Flash diagramming. They Rule shows the links between big execs, big politicos, big companies, big institutions and who's lighting whose cigar. (thx to the Gawkbox)...
The fine folks over at Sharpeworld have scanned in two full issues of seminal 70's punk rock/new wave rag Wet for your viewing pleasure. Don't you owe them a big kissy thank-you? Wet had outlandish DIY collage, loud graphics, and innovative typography. It was L.A. at its finest. Visit an archive of Wet covers here, and read a brief intro to the magazine here....
People always object to boxing as a barbaric sport that insults human decency. But would those same people object if squirrels were outfitted with gloves and went 12 rounds? I think not. Pictured at left are real animals in a real boxing match. Of course, these animals have been dead for over a century and have been posed by 19th century taxidermist Edward Hart (b. 1847 - d.1928). It's just one of the many wondrous discoveries over at A Case of Curiosities. (via brokentype)...
The Rummy-o-Meter has generated all kinds of new traffic to Gusto. Among our referrers was this German site. We at Gusto are curious folk. To place our collective finger on the pulse of German thought about the Rummy-o-Meter, we used the handy Google Language Tools to translate: Secretaries of Defense probably most exactly illustrate. Because the alternatives for its boss in the white house are conceivablly unsatisfactory. (from view the Bushs probably more favorable) an alternative would be it to make Rumsfelds substitute Wolfowitz the boss pentagon. Therefore the Rummy o meter stands despite all reproaches on the 2. Danger stage "blue", "kriegt me, if can do you". That holds... Rummy o meter... however again the presidency candidate John Kerry not off to furnish a Petitions form on the own campaign Site: "Donald Rumsfeld MUST withdraw"...
'I Actually Voted for the $87 Billion Before I Voted Against It'
Imagine you're a Senator during wartime. The military has requested $87 billion of further funding for their missions overseas. Strangely, your president hasn't asked financial sacrifice of his citizens to fund the wars -- he's continuously pushed for almost a trillion dollars in tax cuts, despite growing national deficits and debts. This is the dilemma that faced John Kerry. He made the choice to fully fund the military's request, but in a fiscally responsible way. He co-sponsored an amendment to the $87 billion bill, which funded the military by rolling back an equal amount from Bush's tax give-aways for the wealthiest Americans. Kerry voted for the responsible version of the bill. But his amendment was defeated by a vote of 57 - 42, because a majority of lawmakers thought taking on more debt was a better choice for the nation than rolling back tax cuts for the wealthy. Kerry protested this fiscal irresponsibility by voting no on the other version of the bill, which is now law and is being funded by the federal government borrowing more money. This is the source of Kerry's quote that "I actually voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it." I bring...
I'm home sick today, so posting will be sparse or nonexistent. Keep the blues away with this track from the Mississippi Sheiks, a popular country blues string band from the 30's. I have to thank Greg for turning me on to this disc, which only recently came back into print. Right-click-Save-Target-As... to get the song, and then go buy the thing already. Note: We have removed the link to the MP3. Because MP3s are for sampling purposes only, we do not always leave the links active....
Screw that ashes on a booze cruise stuff. The proper way to remember a loved one who's passed on must be the LifeGem. A LifeGem is a certified, high quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique and wonderful life. The LifeGem provides a way to embrace your loved one's memory day by day. The LifeGem is the most unique and timeless memorial available for creating a testimony to their unique life. We hope and believe that your LifeGem memorial will offer comfort and support when and where you need it, and provide a lasting memory that endures just as a diamond does. Forever....
Would you notice a gorilla playing basketball, or a woman with an umbrella crossing the court as players swarmed around her? Egghead psych professors found out. Working with Christopher Chabris at Harvard University, Simons came up with another demonstration that has now become a classic, based on a videotape of a handful of people playing basketball. They played the tape to subjects and asked them to count the passes made by one of the teams. Around half failed to spot a woman dressed in a gorilla suit who walked slowly across the scene for nine seconds, even though this hairy interloper had passed between the players and stopped to face the camera and thump her chest. However, if people were simply asked to view the tape, they noticed the gorilla easily. The effect is so striking that some of them refused to accept they were looking at the same tape and thought that it was a different version of the video, one edited to include the ape. It's really quite remarkable. Check out the research videos with explanatory text here. (via ALDaily)...
We were going to put together a list of our own in our series of posts about Masturbation May, but fuck it -- this guy has done it for us (thx, happy scrappy). Although most of the playlist is solid, we have to admit to a queasy bemusement about his/her having included The Brady Bunch's rendition of "O Come All Ye Faithful." That's an O-stopper, if you ask me... and in the deal-closing last song spot. But hey, whatever gets you off, dude. p.s. Suggestion - "Orgasm Addict" by the Buzzcocks....
Max the crime-fighting gorilla has died in South Africa. (thx, Monkeywire) A gorilla who became a cult figure in crime-ridden South Africa after he was shot confronting an armed robber on the run died on Wednesday, the Johannesburg Zoo said. Max, a 200 kg (440 pound) ape, rose to fame in 1997 after being wounded by a terrified gunman who made the mistake of jumping a moat into his zoo enclosure while fleeing police. Max was shot as he fiercely defended his territory. He also vented his anger on two policemen in pursuit, biting one on the buttocks and arm....
Marines and L.A. cops understand two different things when they hear shouts of 'Cover me!' "Police officers responded to a domestic dispute, accompanied by marines. They had just gone up to the door when two shotgun birdshot rounds were fired through the door, hitting the officers. One yelled `cover me!' to the marines, who then laid down a heavy base of fire. . . . The police officer had not meant `shoot' when he yelled `cover me' to the marines. [He] meant . . . point your weapons and be prepared to respond if necessary. However, the marines responded instantly in the precise way they had been trained, where `cover me' means provide me with cover using firepower. . . . over two hundred bullets [were] fired into that house." The military draws lessons from the Los Angeles riots in 1992. (thx, FARK)...
Your calendar might have omitted an important holiday. Today is the National Day of Prayer! To celebrate, our current president is participating in a three-hour television special tonight. "We're in an election year, and we believe God cares who's in those positions of authority," said Mark Fried, spokesman for the National Day of Prayer Task Force. "But we're not endorsing a candidate -- just praying that God's hand will be on the election." The widow of the founder of Campus Crusade for Christ expresses her admiration for Bush this way: "I don't think he has a political agenda of his own. I think he's really trying to do what would please God." I won't pick on a poor widow by pointing out the idiocy of saying the president -- ANY president -- has a political agenda. But I do have a suggestion. Why not add a fourth branch of government? The executive, congressional, and judicial branches are always squabbling in their quest for power. Let's solve this once and for all by introducing the DIVINE BRANCH. Take that, Rehnquist! Fuck you, Frist! Eat me, Bush! God is in the house....
It's Our Generation's 'Who Shot JR?'!! 1. Take a drink if you're missing the last episode of Friends. 2. If someone asks why you're not watching the last episode of Friends, take a drink. 3. If you know that there's going to be a Friends spin-off called "Joey," take a drink. By reading this message, you now know. 4. If you resent the fact that you know about the spin-off, take a drink. 5. If you ever tried to calculate how much rent the Friends characters would pay in rent, take a drink. 6. If you resent the fact that you know what the Friends characters' apartments look like, take a drink. 7. If you find yourself wandering the streets in order to find a place without the final episode of Friends playing, take a drink. 8. For every fun-loving happy group of friends who step over your drunken body and look like they're going to watch the last episode of Friends, take a drink. 9. If you resent the fact that you wrote this message, take a drink and never think of the show again....
Apparently Kerry manager Mary Beth Cahill is writing for AP now
The FBI, closely tracking the anti-war movement in the 1970s, concluded John Kerry was a glib, moderate figure in a Vietnam veterans group that took a radical turn around the time he left it, documents show. The FBI file on Vietnam Veterans Against the War says the organization swung toward "militant and revolutionary-type activities" but accuses Kerry, now the Democratic presidential candidate, of little more than charisma. Article here....
I swear to god I haven't moved to Lawrence, Kansas or anything. Just because I posted a Lawrence story yesterday doesn't mean I can't post another today. So take that, Jason Robards! Anyways. Thomas Frank has a new book out called "What's the Matter With Kansas?". I've loved Frank since I first picked up the Baffler; he's a got a keen mind that can cut through the bullshit and lay the moral issues bare. In a just world, he'd be the public intellectual du jour and writing op-eds for the Times instead of that ol' factless hack David Brooks. The subtitle of Frank's book is "How Conservatives Won the Heart of America." Using Kansas as an example for the country's larger turn, Frank talks about how radicals keep getting elected, and what they do once they've got power. "The trick never ages, the illusion never wears off," Frank wrote. "Vote to stop abortion, receive a rollback in capital-gains taxes. Vote to make our country strong again; receive deindustrialization. Vote to screw those politically correct college professors; receive electricity deregulation. Vote to get government off our backs; receive conglomeration and monopoly everywhere from media to meatpacking. Vote to stand tall against...
In 2000, then candidate George W. Bush told the story of a juvenile delinquent from Texas in order to talk about the need for compassionate conservatism. NPR catches up with where that boy is now....
Justice Souter to Pose in Playgirl's 'Men of the Big 9'
The first time I met Supreme Court Justice David Souter, he couldn't keep his latex-gloved hand out of my crotchless underwear. Boy, that guy is an animal. Actually, he's a model civil servant and no one knows anything about him. God bless surprise Supreme Court appointments....
"This my pet peeve about artists," the former buffalo rancher said. "They assume buffalo have horns like cattle. But they're built differently, damn it."...
As hard as it is for me to believe, the internet does occasionally wander into being useful. Witness the Rasterbator. It takes a small photo and blows it up to billboard size, dividing it into handy printable portions. Now we can all be Gilbert and George!...
Stereogum knows way too much about Billy Joel: Music fans stopped paying attention to Billy Joel at "We Didn't Start The Fire" (I remember one book named him the worst rock star of all time simply because "a list is not a song"). Blender's recent countdown of the 50 all-time worst songs included the rap-rock ballad at #41, citing special hatred of the line "China’s under martial law/ rock & roller cola wars!"). But here's a fun fact: the original line was "Poison apples in the stores, rock & roller cola wars." Then the whole Tiananmen Square thing replaced the alar scare headlines. Like I said, I know way too much about Billy Joel. Did I mention I did a fifth grade book report on an unauthorized Billy Joel biography? We were allowed to pick anything....
Ah, the lusty month of May. As H.J. previously noted, May is National Masturbation Month! Your ever-vigilant Gusto buddies have some ideas for making the month extra-special, so pay your electric bill, run a bath, and grab a racy novel to celebrate solo. 1. Add new euphemisms for masturbation to your repertoire. Some of our favorites include, for men, the redundant herpetological metaphor, "Wrangling the invertebrate serpent" and, for women, "Playing clitar." Once you've whet your appetite for more sexual euphemisms, check out The Bald-Headed Hermit and the Artichoke: An Erotic Thesaurus. 2. Spice up the usual blonde-on-blonde-silicone-boobie porn routine by exploring some alterna-porn. Some of "our" favorites (certainly not safe for work!) include That Strange Girl and NakkidNerds (Freaks, Geeks, and Girls in Glasses!). 3. One-half of Gusto loves her toys, so much so that a friend once remarked that the favored small-town toy shop closed shortly after we moved to New York. Hmmm. Not surprisingly, then, in honor of Masturbation Month, we suggest purchasing a new toy! For those who demand attention to aesthetics in their erotic implements, Ducky is a "little fella that's cute and yellow and chubby", and the adorably anglophilic Palace Guard may do the...
No, I'm not talking Bush's missing months in the National Guard. Wonkette is reporting that Bush knew about the abuse at Abu Ghraib in late December/early January....
Ok, I'm a freak for Lucien Freud. First I post about the London showing of Freud's latest work, and then I get into a long philosophical argument in praise of Freud in comments at TMFTML. Now I'm going to repeat: Freud is here. In New York. In America. Come one, come all! In an ideal world, retirees would hop into their RVs and camp outside the Acquavella Galleries on 79th Street and make their autumn years full of Freud's feisty paintings. NY Times critic Michael Kimmelman reviewed the show yesterday....
Disney is forbidding American distribution of Michael Moore's new film, Fahrenheit 911. The film deals with the Bush administration and has been creating a stir on the film festival circuit, and now financer Disney is getting cold feet about tax breaks in Jeb Bush's Florida. I've got problems with Moore as a shady documentarian -- but this guy needs a factchecker, not a corporate censor whose going to put his movie on a shelf. Icon Productions, Mel Gibson's company, already backed out. That was over a real disagreement of opinion and I can respect that. But it's despicable to get dollar signs in your eyes, give a film financial support, and then get cold feet. Did they think Moore was going to do a Bush puff piece?...
Dusty codgers shake their canes while whippersnappers whistle
Why is the Bush addicted to creating big bureaucracies with no benefit? I'm not opposed to big organizations. Administering complicated programs take money and people. Medicare is a huge program, but its cost per person is significantly less than the expensive private insurance the rest of us suckers use. But this tax-cut-and-spend White House has gone overboard with creating costly programs that sit passed-out and bloated on a budget sheet while our country's problems get worse. Remember the television ads the Bush administration put together to advertise the wonderful benefits of the new Medicare prescription drug discount card? The one the Democrats decried as a shameless waste of taxpayer money on what was actually just a Bush campaign ad? Well, they shouldn't have been commercials. Thirty seconds isn't enough to explain the "benefits" of this bill. These commercials should match the length of Lawrence of Arabia, because this bill is complicated, and even after paying a fee for the card and shopping around for the best benefits, seniors (and young people paying the cost) have received a real trojan horse of a gift. I wanted to give Bush an attaboy on this one. I wanted to believe that we're all...
All this time I've just been shoving sushi in my mouth without knowing how to properly order and eat the stuff. Should one put sushi in one's mouth with the fish or the rice on the tongue? Look to the Japanese character for "delicious" and you'll have the answer. Sushi etiquette....
When you die, do you want to be cremated and have your ashes scattered at sea? Yeah, neither do I. But if you do -- why not include your friends and family on a three-hour cruise? I'm not sure if this would be some kind of a booze cruise with a Jimmy Buffet impersonator, but I'm sure it could be arranged. A list of potential themes for your funeral, compiled by the National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association....
Jolly misanthrope Stephin Merritt has a new album out today called i. Don't stop to collect your misery. Buy it now. Mr. Magnetic Fields was once a reviewer for Time Out NY, and his work there can still be found with search engines. Beyond his legendary reviews of Christmas albums (1998, 1999, 2000), he also reviewed NYC-area putt-putts and the music of someone else's century. God bless us everyone! For those with a Salon subscription or the willingness to suffer the indignity of a day pass, here is a bonus article/interview, which inspired several letters to the editor along these lines: I can't believe you think this smug, pompous bastard has enough merit [Ed. - pun unintended?] even to be considered for your front-page story. Sure, the fact that he's a pedantic, condescending curmudgeon isn't reason enough to ignore him, but the fact that the critical acclaim he's received has been nothing more than the knee-jerk, kiss-ass response of an insular music-writing industry is....
Rachel Cohen was Lisa Simpson's imaginary Jewish friend
She's also a real-life writer who just wrote an intellectual history inspired by a very, very long roadtrip around America. Her book A Chance Meeting is a compilation of non-fiction encounters between artistic giants: Much of the book's delight is in the detail. Charlie Chaplin turns up, unannounced, at Hart Crane's flat at two in the morning. The photographer Richard Avedon tapes a negative of his sister's portrait on to his shoulder until it creates a kind of tanned tattoo. Norman Mailer bids farewell to James Baldwin beside the Playboy mansion pool while recovering from a 36-hour bender. The book opens with the young Henry James's visit to the New York studio of Matthew Brady to have his portrait taken by daguerreotype. It ends with Norman Mailer and Robert Lowell marching on the Pentagon during the Vietnam war....
The Patriot Act suppresses news of challenge to Patriot Act Pick your theme park: Creationist or 10 Courts of Hell (thx, Boing Boing) Play a real-life game of Pac-Man in Manhattan America has an eating disorder...
It's Derby time, so don your white suit and pretend you're either Colonel Sanders or Tom Wolfe, depending on your level of sophistication and how much you like fried chicken and/or modern architecture. Here's an old-fashioned recipe for an old-fashioned race: 2 cups granulated sugar 2 cups water (branch water is ideal) Fresh Mint Crushed Ice Kentucky Bourbon (2 ounces per serving) Make a simple mint syrup* by boiling sugar and water together for 5 minutes; cool. Place in a covered container with 6 or 8 bruised mint sprigs. Refrigerate overnight. Make a julep by filling a julep cup* or glass with crushed ice, then adding 1 tablespoon of mint syrup and 2 ounces of bourbon. Stir rapidly with a spoon to frost outside of cup or glass. Garnish with a fresh mint sprig.. *This makes enough syrup for about 44 juleps. Extra Tips: Always use a premium Kentucky bourbon Use crushed or shaved ice and pack in cup. To bruise mint, place in a cup and gently pass the back of a spoon between cup and the leaves a time or two. You want the mint to release some of the fragrant oils. Add a straw cut to protrude...
It's Kentucky Derby day! Eighteen of the greatest athletes in the world are gathered in Louisville to begin the race for the Triple Crown. The fact that these athletes are of a different species and carry little midgets on their backs makes it all the more bizarre and compelling. This year it's any horse's race. There are no clear favorites and every horse has its own story. Most handicappers are betting that the classic pedigree of The Cliff's Edge will make him the horse to beat. TCE loves the track at Churchill Downs and is coming off a victory at the Blue Grass Stakes. But this horse has attitude and was underwhelming in his practice runs on a muddy track earlier in the week. So we're betting that he'll flake out, and we're going to pass on the obvious choice (which won't come in at great odds, anyway). The biggest factor today is a wet racetrack. It rained a bit yesterday, and it's probably going to rain again today. And it's very simple: some horses like mud, some don't. So here's my completely amateurish money-down-the-drain call on who you should bet for when Derby-goers put up their umbrellas: 1. Pollard's...
