May 31, 2004
I'm not sure whether to recommend this or not...
Click here to play the Anti-Bush video game. While it's pretty juvenile, and some of the imagery is pretty offensive, I have to admit I enjoyed attacking the Karl Rove cyborg with my stem-cell shooting Christopher Reeve character......
May 26, 2004
Even the Liberal Media is Right-Wing
As if radio didn't have enough conservative voices, Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting has even more bad news. The study counted 2,334 sources used in 804 stories aired last June for four programs: "All Things Considered," "Morning Edition," "Weekend Edition Saturday" and "Weekend Edition Sunday." For the analysis of think tanks, FAIR used the months of May through August 2003. Overall, Republicans outnumbered Democrats by 61 percent to 38 percent, a figure only slightly higher now, when the GOP controls the White House and both houses of Congress, than during a previous survey in 1993, during the Clinton administration. NPR...
More Merrittocracy
The always-excellent Onion AV club has a nice interview with Stephin Merritt. O: Do you follow your reviews? SM: About once a year, I'll see what people think. My favorite review of myself was in People magazine. They were reviewing the first 6ths record, and they said that ordinarily, "he sings the songs himself. He has a voice like the wind moaning through a small, relatively leafless tree."...
That's One Sexy Spin Cycle
If you've ever wondered what life as a comedy writer is like, go no further than Slate's diary with Demetri Martin, a sketch writer for Conan. After dinner, Mike read our new characters. I didn't have such a great batch. One of mine did OK—a character named "Suzanne: Sexy Washing Machine," which would be a washing machine wearing a bikini. I'm not saying it's great, but I think it would make me laugh if I saw it. My favorite of the ones I wrote was "One Man Band on the Toilet." That would be a guy playing a few instruments...
Crime Time
The FBI's preliminary crime report is out. Mayor Bloomberg beamed like a proud father yesterday. "New York City has not only retained its title as the safest big city in the country, it has defied the odds and become even safer."...
May 25, 2004
Your Refresh Button Can't Help You Now
Due to increased real-work output so that we might earn our upcoming four-day weekend, posting will be light or, in the worst case, just downright non-existent this week. May we suggest the fine establishments to the right for your reading and/or work-shirking pleasure?...
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May 23, 2004
Good Morning America
Harry Dean Stanton in Fire Walk with Me called fresh coffee "a cup of Good Morning America." I've recently discovered a new contender for that title, a surprisingly delicious and all-American drink to start out your day: 1 parts Beer 1 parts Tomato Juice It's tempting to dismiss this combo out of hand. Especially after I tell you that the ideal beer choice is Budweiser. I'm no fan of either of the two ingredients, but they are perfect complements. The taste is something between the two dominant morning drinks, the Bloody Mary and the Mimosa. It's basically sparkling tomato juice....
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May 21, 2004
A Class Act
Not to give the impression that all we're doing is watching PBS over here, but Bill Moyers gave a great interview with Texas Monthly on why he's leaving television and the future of PBS. I intend to become much more of an advocate for public broadcasting than when I am on the air and seem to be acting in self-interest. As a private citizen, I'll be one of its most consistent and ardent supporters. We must get a $5 billion trust fund. We must sever our ties to federal funding. We pay a price when we're even slightly tethered to...
Doesn't God Ever Call These People Just to Say Hey?
What do PBS's Colonial House and last night's Frontline episode, "The Jesus Factor" have in common? Two subjects who believe they've been called by God to lead. In a maddening master stroke of casting, PBS appointed Jeff Wyers, a Southern Baptist minister from Texas, as Governor of the colony on Colonial House. In what (at least so far) has been the central theme of the show, Wyers attempts to create a "City on a Hill" by enforcing 17th century laws -- most of which are, incidentally, similar to Baptist teachings -- under which the colonists begin to chafe. While...
May 20, 2004
Where do you rank?
My favorite answer to the question of whether Rumsfeld will be fired was on Crossfire last week: "No -- because Bush is too weak to fire him." Bush survives because he's got a phalanx of tough soldiers around him. And it's not just the blundering policy-making team that helps George survive -- it's the armies of devoted right wing nuts who dedicate their lives to reelecting the worst president since Hoover. But I've got to admire the discipline of the Bush-Cheney team, and the way they keep tight ranks. Check out this "Leaderboard" they've created for donors, and you'll begin...
Bag of Bones
The Museum of Sex in NYC may be a dud, but perhaps the Iceland Phallological Museum is a real stud. If you're too impoverished or busy to visit Bjork's homeland, you can always buy your own reproductive tools here. (Thanks, Tobs!)...
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The real thing may be dying, but the fake ones are everywhere
The death of the French bistro....
May 19, 2004
Finding the Carbs Within
Sick of all the anti-carb hysteria? The Amateur Gourmet has compiled a short list of ways you too can celebrate the carbs within and, um, solve some interpersonal issues as well. [Thx, The Morning News]...
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May 18, 2004
Some People Like Kieslowski, Others Jet Fighters
The Final Countdown is now on DVD!
Marginalia
Like Billy Collins in his poem "Marginalia," I find notes in the margins of books fascinating. While they often can be distracting, other times they are sufficiently strange to arouse more than a passing curiosity about the person who wrote them. For instance, I have a used copy of A Confederacy of Dunces with the scrawl, "Go to E.R. and ask for sedative. You're upset." then the big letters "EMERGENCY ROOM," with an arrow to "E.R." Was someone upset by the book, so much so that he or she needed to be immediately medicated, or was the 1982 First Revised...
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May 17, 2004
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were never this aerobic
"There was a loud crash. When I looked up, there was glass all over me and a turtle sitting beside me in my van."...
Separate is Never Equal
The first day of court-mandated gay marriage is also the anniversary of another court-ordered move to equality. Brown v. Board of Education was decided fifty years ago today. Brown overturned the Supreme Court's 1896 ruling of Plessy v. Ferguson, which allowed the poison of "separate but equal" to rule for over fifty years. The court decided in Brown that separate is inherently unequal. Dividing the population perpetuates inequality, the court said. It's important to remember this when we debate the idea of gay marriage. Some people want to settle for one standard for hetersexuals, and another for homosexuals. A greater...
Masters and Fools
If you work at an auto dealership, beware: there's a gang of cross-dressing car thieves terrorizing the south. Police believe the suspects steal the cars so they can arrive in style to various pageants and shows for cross-dressers across the Southeast. "They're not using these cars to cut up for parts or to commit other felonies," said Smith. "They're using these cars to travel between clubs throughout the Southeast." Smith cites a mountain of similar evidence collected from the vehicles, including women's underwear, sequined nightgowns, high heels and wigs....
Hutcheson's Hosanna
Gusto alumni R. Hutcheson has cooked up a delicious art project to see how many people he can get to view one of his paintings. His sideshow circus style will bring a smile to your face. Take a look....
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Department of Good News (for now)
There's plenty of bad news to go around these days, but today let's start off with a couple good items: Gay couples can be married! It's a good day for Mr. Jefferson's dream. The bald eagle will soon be removed from the Endangered Species list....
May 14, 2004
Tumbling Tumbleweeds
Quiet as a mouse in Gusto land today. We're feeling uninspired and scattered. Weekend booze will help, we're sure. One more thing -- birthday shoutouts to Karen Cinecultist. We shall know you by your tiara. Have a good weekend, all....
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May 13, 2004
How Young is Too Young?
Get your minds out of the gutter, people. This is a problem near and dear to my heart. Not just because it corrupts the legions of mini-Britneys and mini-Justins out there, but because a youth-driven culture is unfair to anyone older and will always make adolescent decisions. I just came from a meeting with salespeople from a big cell phone service. These execs were in their late forties and actually said things like "We're not getting news today like our parents did -- this is new, not like our parents' content delivery service!" And I was like, the only content...
Love Lessons
I'm late to this one, but when I read that one of my favorite authors Mary Gaitskill had written an essay for the Washington Post magazine, I knew I had to find it. Although she's been somewhat of a literary recluse since her 1998 collection of short stories, Because They Wanted To, I count her first book of short stories, Bad Behavior, among my favorite collections. The WaPo essay "Love Lessons," the story of Gaitskill and her husband's experience taking in two urban kids in a summer program, is thoughtful and poignant without being condescending. And as in her fiction,...
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May 12, 2004
Smarty Antsy
Triple Crown hopeful Smarty Jones is suddenly a superstar. Thousands of fans showed up for the horse's arrival in Baltimore to prepare for this weekend's Preakness Stakes. Some of the better horses who lost the Kentucky Derby are sitting this one out in order to get some rest and challenge Smarty at the Belmont in two weeks. In the meantime, there's the "middle jewel" -- the Preakness, where champions are made and wanna-bes get the boot. Anyone have any tips?...
Our Favorites are the "Fudge Packer" (Not What You're Thinking!) and the "Gymnast's Guillotine"
How did we miss this? Gusto seldom misses an opportunity to plug Danny Gregory, particularly his lovely collaborations with The Morning News. Anyone who has ever flown in an airplane (or, incidentally, watched the "Props" game on Whose Line is It Anyway -- Anglophiles' version, please) will appreciate The Sky Mall Pop Quiz....
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Star Tucker
Recent Jeopardy! champ and idiosyncratic paleoconservative Tucker Carlson will don his bowtie to host his own show on PBS, beginning June 18. I read Carlson's book, and while I found his logic flawed, I admire his story-telling ability and his basically good nature. Perhaps I feel an affinity for Carlson because of the bowtie (it really is better for eating soup!), but also I like his ability to appreciate human characters for being human characters, and not having to always be right. I'll definitely be tuning in. Read Carlson's CNN bio here (and see the accompanying picture of Tucker trying...
V
Kurt Vonnegut never grows up. And it's a wonderful thing to read. There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president. But, when you stop to think about it, only a nut case would want to be a human being, if he or she had a choice. Such treacherous, untrustworthy, lying and greedy animals we are! I was born a human being in 1922 A.D. What does “A.D.” signify? That commemorates an inmate of this lunatic asylum we call...
Whither Iraq?
The tragic, montrous death of Nick Berg has created empathy from certain Iraqis. CNN interviewed Iraqis about the footage of Berg's beheading, and they said described their shame in the same way Americans described their reaction to the photos from Abu Ghraib. They said things like "The badness of a few will overshadow the goodness of many" and "This will reflect poorly on our country." Blame for the horrific slaughter of Berg is being placed on Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Zarqawi has been blamed for over 700 deaths in Iraq over the past months. And here's the shocking, disheartening thing: the...
It's molting, MOLTING!!
Sadly, the swarms of pests I'll see here in NYC are limited to rats, roaches, and Hilton sisters. But for the lucky folks out there who actually have backyards and walk on grass each day, you're in for a treat. The cicadas have arrived! I haven't heard tales of biblical swarms yet, but slowly the little critters are emerging. There's a pretty cool time-lapse video of a cicada molting here....
May 11, 2004
An Open Letter to America's Pizza Retailers
Dear Pizza People of the United States, Pizza, as we have come to know and love it, has been long been a staple of the American diet. I, for one, salute your tireless innovation and dedication to the customer. Through the years you've given us myriad variations in crust thickness and density. You've found more receptacles for mozzarella than we ever dreamed possible. You pioneered the pizza delivery, the pizza buffet, the tiny plastic implement that holds the box lid off the top of our steaming pie. You gave us somewhere to spend Friday nights in our small Southern hometowns...
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The ladies love Benicio
It's difficult to say who got the better deal in this exchange, but I'll put my money on the elevator. From the UK Sun: MOVIE starlet Scarlett Johansson has confessed to having sex with actor Benicio Del Toro — in a hotel LIFT. Scarlett, 19, was spotted rushing off with the Puerto Rican tough guy after a party. The beauty invited Benicio, 37, up to her room after snogging in front of amazed onlookers at the Chateau Marmont hotel before the Oscars ceremony in February. But she has admitted they never made it out of the lift before lust took...
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They Rule Lives
Call me a sucker for interactive Flash diagramming. They Rule shows the links between big execs, big politicos, big companies, big institutions and who's lighting whose cigar. (thx to the Gawkbox)...
I'm feeling Wet, Wet, Wet
The fine folks over at Sharpeworld have scanned in two full issues of seminal 70's punk rock/new wave rag Wet for your viewing pleasure. Don't you owe them a big kissy thank-you? Wet had outlandish DIY collage, loud graphics, and innovative typography. It was L.A. at its finest. Visit an archive of Wet covers here, and read a brief intro to the magazine here....
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Now I know Hollywood is a horrible place for female actors, but...
Pink to Play Janis Joplin in Big Screen Biopic Coming so soon after the news that Puff Daddy's going to play Jimi Hendrix......
Creative Taxidermy
People always object to boxing as a barbaric sport that insults human decency. But would those same people object if squirrels were outfitted with gloves and went 12 rounds? I think not. Pictured at left are real animals in a real boxing match. Of course, these animals have been dead for over a century and have been posed by 19th century taxidermist Edward Hart (b. 1847 - d.1928). It's just one of the many wondrous discoveries over at A Case of Curiosities. (via brokentype)...
Fun with Google Language Tools
The Rummy-o-Meter has generated all kinds of new traffic to Gusto. Among our referrers was this German site. We at Gusto are curious folk. To place our collective finger on the pulse of German thought about the Rummy-o-Meter, we used the handy Google Language Tools to translate: Secretaries of Defense probably most exactly illustrate. Because the alternatives for its boss in the white house are conceivablly unsatisfactory. (from view the Bushs probably more favorable) an alternative would be it to make Rumsfelds substitute Wolfowitz the boss pentagon. Therefore the Rummy o meter stands despite all reproaches on the 2. Danger...
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May 10, 2004
'I Actually Voted for the $87 Billion Before I Voted Against It'
Imagine you're a Senator during wartime. The military has requested $87 billion of further funding for their missions overseas. Strangely, your president hasn't asked financial sacrifice of his citizens to fund the wars -- he's continuously pushed for almost a trillion dollars in tax cuts, despite growing national deficits and debts. This is the dilemma that faced John Kerry. He made the choice to fully fund the military's request, but in a fiscally responsible way. He co-sponsored an amendment to the $87 billion bill, which funded the military by rolling back an equal amount from Bush's tax give-aways for the...
Monday Jukebox
I'm home sick today, so posting will be sparse or nonexistent. Keep the blues away with this track from the Mississippi Sheiks, a popular country blues string band from the 30's. I have to thank Greg for turning me on to this disc, which only recently came back into print. Right-click-Save-Target-As... to get the song, and then go buy the thing already. Note: We have removed the link to the MP3. Because MP3s are for sampling purposes only, we do not always leave the links active....
May 7, 2004
Grandpa is Forever
Screw that ashes on a booze cruise stuff. The proper way to remember a loved one who's passed on must be the LifeGem. A LifeGem is a certified, high quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique and wonderful life. The LifeGem provides a way to embrace your loved one's memory day by day. The LifeGem is the most unique and timeless memorial available for creating a testimony to their unique life. We hope and believe that your LifeGem memorial will offer comfort and support when and where you need it, and...
Stone Aged Brains
Would you notice a gorilla playing basketball, or a woman with an umbrella crossing the court as players swarmed around her? Egghead psych professors found out. Working with Christopher Chabris at Harvard University, Simons came up with another demonstration that has now become a classic, based on a videotape of a handful of people playing basketball. They played the tape to subjects and asked them to count the passes made by one of the teams. Around half failed to spot a woman dressed in a gorilla suit who walked slowly across the scene for nine seconds, even though this hairy...
Songs to Wank To
We were going to put together a list of our own in our series of posts about Masturbation May, but fuck it -- this guy has done it for us (thx, happy scrappy). Although most of the playlist is solid, we have to admit to a queasy bemusement about his/her having included The Brady Bunch's rendition of "O Come All Ye Faithful." That's an O-stopper, if you ask me... and in the deal-closing last song spot. But hey, whatever gets you off, dude. p.s. Suggestion - "Orgasm Addict" by the Buzzcocks....
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He was a mighty good gorilla
Max the crime-fighting gorilla has died in South Africa. (thx, Monkeywire) A gorilla who became a cult figure in crime-ridden South Africa after he was shot confronting an armed robber on the run died on Wednesday, the Johannesburg Zoo said. Max, a 200 kg (440 pound) ape, rose to fame in 1997 after being wounded by a terrified gunman who made the mistake of jumping a moat into his zoo enclosure while fleeing police. Max was shot as he fiercely defended his territory. He also vented his anger on two policemen in pursuit, biting one on the buttocks and arm....
May 6, 2004
'Cover me!'
Marines and L.A. cops understand two different things when they hear shouts of 'Cover me!' "Police officers responded to a domestic dispute, accompanied by marines. They had just gone up to the door when two shotgun birdshot rounds were fired through the door, hitting the officers. One yelled `cover me!' to the marines, who then laid down a heavy base of fire. . . . The police officer had not meant `shoot' when he yelled `cover me' to the marines. [He] meant . . . point your weapons and be prepared to respond if necessary. However, the marines responded instantly...
My Prayers will involve GWB tonight
Your calendar might have omitted an important holiday. Today is the National Day of Prayer! To celebrate, our current president is participating in a three-hour television special tonight. "We're in an election year, and we believe God cares who's in those positions of authority," said Mark Fried, spokesman for the National Day of Prayer Task Force. "But we're not endorsing a candidate -- just praying that God's hand will be on the election." The widow of the founder of Campus Crusade for Christ expresses her admiration for Bush this way: "I don't think he has a political agenda of his...
The Special Edition DG 'Friends' Drinking Game
It's Our Generation's 'Who Shot JR?'!! 1. Take a drink if you're missing the last episode of Friends. 2. If someone asks why you're not watching the last episode of Friends, take a drink. 3. If you know that there's going to be a Friends spin-off called "Joey," take a drink. By reading this message, you now know. 4. If you resent the fact that you know about the spin-off, take a drink. 5. If you ever tried to calculate how much rent the Friends characters would pay in rent, take a drink. 6. If you resent the fact that...
Apparently Kerry manager Mary Beth Cahill is writing for AP now
The FBI, closely tracking the anti-war movement in the 1970s, concluded John Kerry was a glib, moderate figure in a Vietnam veterans group that took a radical turn around the time he left it, documents show. The FBI file on Vietnam Veterans Against the War says the organization swung toward "militant and revolutionary-type activities" but accuses Kerry, now the Democratic presidential candidate, of little more than charisma. Article here....
I almost did this with Zagnut bars once
Woman buys 10,000 Mars bars, drives off in limo...
The Day After My Last Lawrence Post
I swear to god I haven't moved to Lawrence, Kansas or anything. Just because I posted a Lawrence story yesterday doesn't mean I can't post another today. So take that, Jason Robards! Anyways. Thomas Frank has a new book out called "What's the Matter With Kansas?". I've loved Frank since I first picked up the Baffler; he's a got a keen mind that can cut through the bullshit and lay the moral issues bare. In a just world, he'd be the public intellectual du jour and writing op-eds for the Times instead of that ol' factless hack David Brooks. The...
A Child Left Behind
In 2000, then candidate George W. Bush told the story of a juvenile delinquent from Texas in order to talk about the need for compassionate conservatism. NPR catches up with where that boy is now....
May 5, 2004
Justice Souter to Pose in Playgirl's 'Men of the Big 9'
The first time I met Supreme Court Justice David Souter, he couldn't keep his latex-gloved hand out of my crotchless underwear. Boy, that guy is an animal. Actually, he's a model civil servant and no one knows anything about him. God bless surprise Supreme Court appointments....
My pet peeves about artists all involve whiskey
"This my pet peeve about artists," the former buffalo rancher said. "They assume buffalo have horns like cattle. But they're built differently, damn it."...
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May is not Rasterbation month
As hard as it is for me to believe, the internet does occasionally wander into being useful. Witness the Rasterbator. It takes a small photo and blows it up to billboard size, dividing it into handy printable portions. Now we can all be Gilbert and George!...
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Rock 'n' Roller Nerd Wards
Stereogum knows way too much about Billy Joel: Music fans stopped paying attention to Billy Joel at "We Didn't Start The Fire" (I remember one book named him the worst rock star of all time simply because "a list is not a song"). Blender's recent countdown of the 50 all-time worst songs included the rap-rock ballad at #41, citing special hatred of the line "China’s under martial law/ rock & roller cola wars!"). But here's a fun fact: the original line was "Poison apples in the stores, rock & roller cola wars." Then the whole Tiananmen Square thing replaced the...
Five Wanky Ways to Celebrate Masturbation Month
Ah, the lusty month of May. As H.J. previously noted, May is National Masturbation Month! Your ever-vigilant Gusto buddies have some ideas for making the month extra-special, so pay your electric bill, run a bath, and grab a racy novel to celebrate solo. 1. Add new euphemisms for masturbation to your repertoire. Some of our favorites include, for men, the redundant herpetological metaphor, "Wrangling the invertebrate serpent" and, for women, "Playing clitar." Once you've whet your appetite for more sexual euphemisms, check out The Bald-Headed Hermit and the Artichoke: An Erotic Thesaurus. 2. Spice up the usual blonde-on-blonde-silicone-boobie porn routine...
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Four months inactive?
No, I'm not talking Bush's missing months in the National Guard. Wonkette is reporting that Bush knew about the abuse at Abu Ghraib in late December/early January....
The "Provocatively Unfashionable" Mr. Freud
Ok, I'm a freak for Lucien Freud. First I post about the London showing of Freud's latest work, and then I get into a long philosophical argument in praise of Freud in comments at TMFTML. Now I'm going to repeat: Freud is here. In New York. In America. Come one, come all! In an ideal world, retirees would hop into their RVs and camp outside the Acquavella Galleries on 79th Street and make their autumn years full of Freud's feisty paintings. NY Times critic Michael Kimmelman reviewed the show yesterday....
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When Gutless Execs Strike
Disney is forbidding American distribution of Michael Moore's new film, Fahrenheit 911. The film deals with the Bush administration and has been creating a stir on the film festival circuit, and now financer Disney is getting cold feet about tax breaks in Jeb Bush's Florida. I've got problems with Moore as a shady documentarian -- but this guy needs a factchecker, not a corporate censor whose going to put his movie on a shelf. Icon Productions, Mel Gibson's company, already backed out. That was over a real disagreement of opinion and I can respect that. But it's despicable to get...
May 4, 2004
Dusty codgers shake their canes while whippersnappers whistle
Why is the Bush addicted to creating big bureaucracies with no benefit? I'm not opposed to big organizations. Administering complicated programs take money and people. Medicare is a huge program, but its cost per person is significantly less than the expensive private insurance the rest of us suckers use. But this tax-cut-and-spend White House has gone overboard with creating costly programs that sit passed-out and bloated on a budget sheet while our country's problems get worse. Remember the television ads the Bush administration put together to advertise the wonderful benefits of the new Medicare prescription drug discount card? The one...
Sushi omakase
All this time I've just been shoving sushi in my mouth without knowing how to properly order and eat the stuff. Should one put sushi in one's mouth with the fish or the rice on the tongue? Look to the Japanese character for "delicious" and you'll have the answer. Sushi etiquette....
Finally, it's a theme month I can get with
May is Masturbation Month. (via JVG)...
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"By the power of Greyskull..."
150 Things Not to Do When Defending Your Thesis. (Congrats, Tobs! Wearing shorts with a daisy behind your ear should top the list)...
Do I get a little pointy hat?
When you die, do you want to be cremated and have your ashes scattered at sea? Yeah, neither do I. But if you do -- why not include your friends and family on a three-hour cruise? I'm not sure if this would be some kind of a booze cruise with a Jimmy Buffet impersonator, but I'm sure it could be arranged. A list of potential themes for your funeral, compiled by the National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association....
i's on the Prize
Jolly misanthrope Stephin Merritt has a new album out today called i. Don't stop to collect your misery. Buy it now. Mr. Magnetic Fields was once a reviewer for Time Out NY, and his work there can still be found with search engines. Beyond his legendary reviews of Christmas albums (1998, 1999, 2000), he also reviewed NYC-area putt-putts and the music of someone else's century. God bless us everyone! For those with a Salon subscription or the willingness to suffer the indignity of a day pass, here is a bonus article/interview, which inspired several letters to the editor along these...
May 3, 2004
Rachel Cohen was Lisa Simpson's imaginary Jewish friend
She's also a real-life writer who
